Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome to ... Airlines
We hope your flight is enjoyable and our flight attendants are here to insure your ride is as pleasant as possible.
Seat backs and tray tables must be in the upright and locked position during the take-off and landing.

All carry-on luggage must be stowed in an over-head compartment or under the seat in front of you.
If you are seated in an emergency exit aisle and feel as though you are unable
or unwilling to assist in case of an emergency, please notify a flight attendant immediately.
All eletrical equipment, including cell phones, 2-way pagers, portable CD players, laptops, etc. should remain in the off position until the pilot notifies us that we are at a safe flying altitude of 10,000 ft.

We realize you had many choices and on behalf of all of us at ... Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us.
We hope you have a wonderful stay wherever your destination may be.
And remember, be careful when retrieving your items as during the flight they may have shifted and might fall on you or your neighbor's head and knock you the FUCK OUT.